Month: October 2017

Shaking It Off.

Shaking off being overwhelmed, I’m back on track and ready to write some more.


So it wasn’t as if I was imaging things that were not real.  By that I mean the things I was seeing and hearing were real.  Like the letters on the license plates and what was said on the billboards were real.  Its just how I was interpreting everything was odd.  I knew I was thinking weird, (for me), ts just I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t firing on all 8 cylinders.  And a lot goofy things were happening, too.

For example, the Fritz Towing truck was broken down on Jason and setting along side the road with its flashers going.   Multicare’s medical director’s name was Fritz so I laughed when I saw that thinking with a name like that it should be broken down.  Then, as I set there at the red signal on Smith at Jason a Lee’s Towing truck came down Smith passing through the green light.  Just as I thought haha, neener neener neener Lee’s Towing is sailing right along while Fritz is broken down, my own truck stalled.  I shook my head and started laughing.

Oddball things like that were going on enough so much I started asking, “Okay, God, so what are you trying to tell me?”  I was trying to have humor about it.

Anyway, it was all silly.  Because God wasn’t trying to tell me anything. Those things weren’t any big deal.  Just happenstance.  Except on Ativan/Lorazepam I was a walking, talking amplified weirdo, and I was creeping myself out.  That was not my usual thinking.  I suppose that’s part of why I’d cried to Barbara that I didn’t think I was going to make it.  I was crawling out of my skin.

And to top it off, well no not to top it off because the top of it wasn’t even on the horizon yet….so I’ll write instead……..and then.  I am filled with 13 years of and thens. And then…. my computer got hacked.

In 2007 nobody knew what hacking was so when it started happening, I think it was in January 2007, I didn’t even know what to think about it.

The first noticeable hack was downloading the Financial Freedom software unto my home laptop.  I’ve told this story before, and maybe its on this blog somewhere, probably written amid one moment or another of hysteria.

But as it went, when the software was finished downloading I began exploring it. There appeared to be an example set up with a practice borrower’s data already entered, so I clicked to look at that.  The borrower’s name was Cutiepie Sample, Sr.   No big deal.  Except the borrower’s address was my former address before the fire chief changed mine to a different/new one.  I lived in the same house with a different/new address and a different/new zip code.   Obviously the address entered was gotten from old data.  And the phone number listed was also the previous house number that was changed after my ex moved out.  There was only one place I could think of where I had not updated that information.  And that was at Multicare.

And then the borrower’s birthday was entered as April 1, 1932 (I think 1932 was the year.  Definitely the month and day was April Fool’s Day.)

Thinking at first Cutiepie Sample, Sr. was a practice file I could hang with that name, wouldn’t think anything of it.  But having my old address and old phone number and, of course, April Fool’s Day for the birthday, though, was too much of a coincidence for me to ignore.  And, believe me, I was trying to ignore a lot.  But this was a direct shot across my bough.  One which nobody knew how it could even have gotten there.

Because I was not in my right mind I vacillated between being positive my doctor was trying to communicate that he was keeping a watchful eye on me to freaking out that I was being threatened.  I was trying to hang onto the notion that something was going on that I didn’t understand.  And I suppose I sort of got that notion planted when, on the witness stand during the hearing,  Dr. Sargent, Jr. said something about being afraid for his kids.  Well, surely he was not afraid for his kids because of me. I am one of the most harmless, patient people on the planet.  So who was he afraid of around me that might hurt his kids, I wondered? Something terrible must be going on, maybe something dangerous.   Maybe I was in danger and they were trying to warn me through my computer (whoever they were.)  How insane. I couldn’t figure out how they got that information into the software.  The reality they were threatening me was too much for me to handle.

Then things started being changed on my computer at work.  Diane was big on security, so our computers were password protected.  What I noticed first was the name on the Internet Explorer icon was changed to White.  Other icons on the desktop were changed, too, but that one stands out most in my mind.

I considered my co-worker, Brian, was more computer literate than I was so I called him over to take a look.  He did not know how that could happen.  I was feeling kind of strange and wondering if I could trust Brian. I brushed that aside.  There was no way he would be messing with me.  He wasn’t that kind of guy.  We didn’t know what to make of it.  He set in my chair to fiddle around for a little bit, then scratched his head in wonder.  We couldn’t figure it out.  He asked if I’d given out my password, which I had not.  We were stumped.

Another thing that happened was I’d been called by an in town customer who wanted me to work up a quote, then take it to present in her home.   I prepared it, then searched the address on maps.  Strangely, when I printed out the map, across the top of the page was written “OSIA.”  I’d never before seen a map print out  anything like that.  I picked it up to use for finding my way.

At the customer’s home, talking with her, she mentioned her deceased husband’s name was Osia.  I told her how very oddly that name had printed on the top of the directions to her house.  Just the word Osia, in bold caps, and that was all.  She laughed and said it seems Osia is trying to tell us from the dead that the house is his.   I felt kind of strange, again, like I wasn’t trusting her.  But I laughed with her. We concluded the appointment and I went back to the office.

In 2009 I would learn who the mystery person was in my computer, and I’ll tell about that later.  Why I’m waiting is because the timing for telling me was intentional.  But even then hacking was not in our vocabulary.  Nobody knew what hacking was.  Not even our I.T. woman knew.

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Oh Please, Not More Effects!

I don’t know about other people but with me Ativan/Lorazepam came with some tricks of its own.

Maybe you’ve already guessed that when I said I cried to Barbara that I didn’t think I was going to make it.  For sure I was unraveling.  Oh, wait, I was already unraveled, wasn’t I?  The Ativan/Lorazepam allowed the illusion I was functioning.  And I wasn’t hitting those hours of a high than plummeting into a hysterically sobbing low for more hours.  Instead, I was just unraveling.  I cannot even believe how I managed to keep it together to continue moving forward.  Its really remarkable that I did.  I can’t say that it hasn’t taken its toll.  After all, I am currently living below poverty, hidden away out of Washington State, without friends or family I knew for all of my life.  Yep, all by themselves, the drugs took a toll.

Funny, at Valley Cities the matter of what the doctor’s group was doing to me never seemed important in those sessions.  What drugs I was taking and how they were affecting me was never spoken about, either.  It seemed the focus was on my ex husband and our relationship, which very easily could turn into an hour of my crying out my eyeballs.  I was so upset, and remained upset for years, that he had not done anything to help me.  During those sessions every single thing terrible I could think of about him I did.   Leaving me in that condition for the 19 days, maybe more, of the Ambien was beyond my understanding.

Then, of course, there was the typical discussions of the rotten childhood, the mean mommy and daddy who had ill prepared me for a healthy future. There were the rapes to talk about, because I had been raped twice during my teenage years, of which I’m not going to go into.  But there was a lot of focus on those types of things rather than getting to the meat of the matter.

The Ativan/Lorazepam amplified everything, and I was traveling in the clouds.  Two things physically changed.  My eyelids began twitching.  Very annoying.  And I began chewing on the insides of my mouth. Also very annoying.  AND there was a gnashing of the teeth.  Right now I’m realizing the eyes quit twitching a few years ago.  The chewing the insides of my mouth stopped a couple of years ago.  I’m still gnashing my teeth.

Something else that changed was my voice.  I no longer spoke in the tone that was natural to me.  Even my friend Bernie, when he first came to meet me, was surprised to find I wasn’t Asian.    Funny, because my last name is Lee even Chinese people assumed I was  Asian.  When I went to their homes to meet them they were always surprised to find this little red headed Caucasian chic.  So funny.

Maybe this helps readers who don’t know understand how these drugs change our personalities.  From one to the next how I responded changed my identity in very weird ways.

I had not had closed a business deal since the accident in July 2004.    As it so happened my new massage therapist’s husband was a real estate appraiser.  And, although my struggling was obvious, I was and am a very nice a pleasant person who most people like.   So when I asked her if she could inquire of her husband if he knew of a good company interested in working with me she obliged.

After a couple of weeks, pleasantly, she gave me the name of someone he thought could help me find a job.  The fellow’s name was John Baker.  He was in Texas, though, and not in Washington.  But he was a professional with a lot of connections.   When I reached John it seemed a Godsend.   We hit it off right out the gate.  I was a professional with a lot of experience, and when we are like that we can talk for hours.  Its the love of the business, and we did talk for a long time.  He told me what he wanted to do, and that was to see if his boss would allow me to originate in Washington through the company he worked for.   He said he knew we would work well together.  I believe we would have.   But his boss had concerns about the long distance, so he ended up rejecting the idea.  John and I were disappointed.

Sometime later John called back.  He told me he’d been thinking about me ever since and had a place he believed would be perfect for me to work.  Of course I was elated.   He gave me the number of a fellow in Renton, Washington by the name of Don Pedersen.  He told me the company was called Loan Services Inc.  And it was a little Mom & Pop shop where he was sure they’d love me.

I was excited, still very insecure about my skills, and also still suffering a lot from the accident.  Looking back on that time, I realize a lot of my suffering was from the Ativan/Lorazepam, too.  Nonetheless, I was chomping at the bit to get back to work, so I called Don right away!  Don was so nice.  After we chatted a while he checked his calendar and made an appointment about two weeks out for us to meet in his office.  He was leaving town for a few days, and hoped I could wait.  Of course I could.

But on the day of the appointment I was in a down cycle. So I guess I was still having physical ups and downs, because the problem as I recall was physical pain.  Or maybe I was just jumbled.  Anyway, I called Don to see if we might change the appointment to another day.  For some reason their telephone answering system was baffling me.  I’m not sure why, either, looking back.  Because it was a pretty standard operation.  But whatever it was I could not seem to figure out how to get to his extension.  I hung up frustrated and figured that was the end of that.  I was very sad about appearing like a flake, but I guess I was a flake.  Yes, indeed, it seemed I had turned into some type of flake.

Days went by, then one day the phone rang.  It was Don.  He asked, “Didn’t we have an appointment a couple of weeks ago?”  Just like that!  I said, “Yes we sure did.”  I told him how I’d tried to get through to his extension but failed.  I told him how I’d been in a bad wreck, was still recovering, and at that time I was in a bad way and not very patient.  To my surprise he started telling me about his wreck some years ago, too, and about how badly he had been injured.  So he knew and understood.  He said, “I’ll tell you what, when you think you are up to it, how about you call me back, then we can set a new appointment to meet.”  I couldn’t believe my ears.  Right now I want to cry happy tears, I am so moved just remembering that kindness.  Probably the joy came through my voice when I replied that I would love to do that.    As it went, the next week I called and he had an open time available the following day.  I made it to the appointment, and I thought Don was  what he was.  He was just a great guy.  He told me he would like to hire me on the spot but his business partner was out of town and he would not hire anyone without her first meeting them.  He told me when she gets back he will call me with a time to come in. Well, of course I though, oh sure.  Sigh.  But, to my surprise, the following week he called and we scheduled for me to meet his partner.

I was so nervous.  I remember I called Reverend Marda, and I told her I was afraid that I would fail because I was so broken. Reverend Marda told me to tell them I am broken. She said that way they would know.  Because, otherwise, if I pulled it off during the interview, then they found out in a couple of days or a week how bad off I was they feel I’d deceived them.  When I met Diane I thought of her, like I thought of Don.  I told her I had been broken, and that I might be slow to start.  She didn’t care about that. She thought it was fine.  We talked about the job, and what she was hoping to accomplish with my position, and she would train me on it.  They were both the most wonderful people anyone could ever work for.  I think I started in July or August 2006.

It was a slow start.  There were volunteer engagements I needed to find replacements for, and there was rescheduling of other things to create time.  I was a commissioned person, so taking the time was no big deal.  Also, my confidence was very low.  I was afraid I would be a failure, that I would disappoint those nice people. But I did it.  Gradually I began showing up at the office.  Whenever I was there everyone treated me nicely.  Well, everyone except a co-worker named Leslie.  But I wasn’t going to sweat that.  Gradually I created a work schedule.  Diane accommodated that I could continue volunteering at the thrift shop.  At the thrift shop they adjusted my hours so that I would not miss much time in the office.  Step by step I was moving back toward a work routine.  In the mornings I still walked with the ladies.  During lunchtime I would walk around the area of our office.  After work I would walk around downtown.  My house was just above the little downtown, which was a pleasant place to be.  In this environment, professionally it all began coming back together for me, so that I was beginning to financially flourish again.  Don would only give me a little bit at a time to handle, and he took a great amount of time training me.  I could not believe my good fortune.  Don was a good and patient teacher, and he would not let me off the hook, either.  He knew his business, and he wanted me to become very good, too.   So he would test me.  That was a great relief.

On the outside things probably looked fine.  But on the inside they were not at all fine.  My temperament was changed.  I could fly off the handle for minor things.  I never did at work.  How I would fly off the handle is exampled by a time when I’d gone by Nordstrom to pick up some pink lipstick.   I am a pink lipstick queen.  I didn’t make it that way, but its sort of become my signature.  Driving back to the office I checked the lipstick in the daylight of the rearview mirror.  What I saw wasn’t pink.  It was orange-ish.  IT WASN’T PINK!  When I saw that I blew my gaskets!  As I pulled into the parking lot at work, I pulled out my cell and called that clerk.  And I went off on her!  I am telling you, that IS NOT ME!  I am one of the most patient people in the world.  To go off like that was shocking.  Anytime in my life I’ve expressed anger has been for good reason.  Like when Marthaller ripped me off of $27,000 while telling me I had not performed my job.  Then I and the operations manager showed him I had too, so, like a jackass he said then he will send my files  off to be audited for fraud.  That was bogus b.s., and face to face I let him know it.  He never paid me, either.  My friend who stayed there said he ripped off a lot of people, and that had to do with that our contracts were never properly renewed.  He said Marthaller’s 401k benefited, though.  It was well known Marthaller and I had some serious words.  And I don’t think my reaction was ever about being a hot head.  I think it was about that I didn’t and still don’t like being ripped off, and I’m not afraid to say so.  Oh well, whatever, right?  Water under the bridge.  But those are the kinds of things I get very verbal over, and if it was possible usually I would go face to face.   Like it was with Dr. Sargent when he was pawing my hands and whispering to me to get help, telling me it was hard to be a doctor, and all that crap after the Ambien.  I told him to knock it off. I told him over and over to stop whatever it was he was doing, but he wouldn’t listen. So I got assertive.  Under normal circumstances I would have just changed doctors and shut up. But, obviously, we weren’t, still aren’t, dealing with normal circumstances.   But, going off over pink lipstick looking orange-ish.  That was nuts, and going off over amplified nothings was becoming more common.  Very scary.

There was more.  I’d taken to thinking that billboards and license plates were God trying to message me.  Yah.  My job required that I drove around the State, visiting a variety of locations for seeking business.  As a team we also provided luncheons and seminars around the State for groups of people, primarily at credit unions.  So there was a lot of driving, and yes during the drives I would. … on my God… I can’t even believe how bad I was.  I would imagine the words on the billboards and the letters on license plates were God trying to message me.  Like if a plate had the letters “JLJ” I would think it was Jesus Loves Judy.  I was making up all kinds of stuff with the plates and the billboards, and I thought it was real.  I don’t know how to describe it.  I was in la la land.

I need to stop here.  I am overwhelmed by the remembering, so I need to take a break away.

Yes, dear.  More effects.


Rest (The Case) & Recuperate

At the end of the hearings the clerk told me in 30 days the court could destroy the evidence I’d given.  She told me, if I’d like to, I could go come back to pick up the court’s copies.  Because I had court certified copies myself of each one and Cheryl Comer had also been given copies, and because I was too upset to think much about it, I nodded and went on my way.  I assumed, and I think it was fair to assume, the paper originals would be destroyed by the courts AFTER having them microfiche scanned into the file.   I assumed wrong.

The courts destroyed them without putting them into the file, which is actually rather shocking considering the paper exhibits were evidence that Dr. Sargent, Jr. had given testimony on, albeit during the prosecution’s presentation, which provided proof positive their charges against me were not only unlawful, but bogus.

They had violated my HIPAA rights while his testimony proved their charges were fraudulent,  I remember on the witness stand he babbled something about a white van.  Even my ex husband turned and asked me what he was talking about.  I had no idea.  I didn’t own a white van, nor did any of my friends.

Maybe this is a time to mention I’d also subpoenaed medical assistant Christine Monroe.  I did that because she filed what I’d considered to be an accusing deposition, and I expected it was my right to have that accuser, too, come face me.  However, the judge did not allow that subpoena.   Yet, what she said was inflammatory, and this that Dr. Sargent was babbling about the white van we thought might be related to what Monroe was also babbling about in her deposition.

Back to Sargent, when he was on the witness stand he was under oath to tell the truth.  On the witness stand, in contrast to the charges, he testified that I had not blocked him from leaving the Multicare parking lot.  He completely contradicted the charges and even his own prior statements.  Aren’t all statements given to the courts subject to penalties if they are lies?

But I needed to get on with my life.

I still wasn’t working, but I was trying to find a job.

I did ask Jerry to write a public statement for the case telling first hand that he’d sent me that night.  At least, I thought, that way it would be on record I was not some type of doctor stalker.

As far as things go, the December 5th incident during my pelvic exam was enough for me to want nothing to do with those freaks at Multicare, except for what it took to defend myself from them.  But Jerry didn’t want to put it into writing.  He told me if I’d motion for a hearing, then subpoena him he would provide testimony in person, he would speak to the judge that way but not in writing.   I didn’t know how to do that, so clearing my name became a moot point.

Then, too, Jerry was starting to express unhappiness about the matter he was handling with my car wreck in 2004.  He was unhappy that I was still in physical and massage therapy.  He was unhappy that I was paying for care out of my own pocket.  He was unhappy because the matrix he had been given by the insurance companies showed they were not going to cover all the costs.  For obvious reasons, I had changed massage therapists.  At about that time Apple Physical Therapy was suggesting I transfer to a private physical trainer.  I think I mentioned before that Apple staff was getting pressure to release me.  Everyone wanted to settle the matter of my wreck so Jerry started calling the providers of serives telling them they had better stop caring for me or prepare to face time setting in a witness booth trying to prove my injuries came from that wreck and not from some other injury.   The idea of losing time from work, of course, began upsetting people.  I had to tell them to ignore Jerry, and to keep focused upon my recovery.  I promised them they would not have to spend time on any witnessed stand.  Relieved, they complied.  I was paying cash. It was none of Jerry’s business.

Trying to keep myself going I was still volunteering, too.  Especially my focus was on my church’s projects;  The St James Thrift Shop and its Board, H.O.M.E support for homeless working men and its Board, working in the church’s outreach office.  There was the Art’s Commission, the Rotary, Sister Cities project, Downtown Partnership, and so much more.  Especially good for me was working at the thrift shop. Because there they had moved me into a primary on the cash register and as primary for closing and handling the banking. I expressed nervousness over handling the money but the ladies assured me I would do fine, and if I made any mistakes we would find it to fix it.  Doing that work helped me develop the simple math skills I’d lost.  And when a mistake was made we could always find it to fix, and in that regard I was regaining my confidence.

By mid year 2006 I’d started receiving mental health therapy sessions with Marcia Hoover at Valley Cities in Auburn.  How that came about is because the Kent office was full, and I was feeling at my wits ends, like I was coming unglued. One day at the thrift shop suddenly I burst into tears in front of Barbara and I told her I didn’t think I was going to make it.  I told her I’m being pushed under and that I’d been trying to find a mental health therapist to help.  I didn’t know at the time Barbara was on the Board of Valley Cities in Auburn.  She gave me their number and said she is sure they will fit me in.  She asked me to give them her name.  Very quickly the Director of Valley Cities called me in for admitting.  We spoke for quite a while, and I told him everything that was going on.  He told me they had room on their schedule for me, and that was positive.

Barbara also went to my church and was a big contributor at the Thrift Shop. She got me involved in a dolls around the world project, too, that I helped with.  Build A Bear was donating supplies to the project, so oftentimes I’d drive to Bellevue to pick them up.  The dolls we all worked on went to first response teams and also they were sent to New York where they would ship out in boxes to war torn areas, given to traumatized children for hugging.  I loved what I was doing.

Most of the women who were on the Board of Valley Cities Auburn went to my church, or were part of the volunteer groups I was in.  I helped with Valley Cities and church fundraisers, too.  I was an active part of the community as well as I’d become very socially active in leadership circles.  I suppose along the way I was telling people what was being done to me.  I was still walking every day in the morning with the ladies of my neighborhood (most of whom went to my church) and I was walking alone during the afternoons.

Although at the time I didn’t realize the subtle connections of the doctor’s camp, they were present.  So much social activity and volunteering revolved around my closest associations who were wives, parents and children of medical doctors,  So I was being made aware of another covert “operation” going on behind the scenes.  I knew all of these people around me, and came to understand their network.  Some had embraced me.  Some I’d loaded up with Barbara things to deliver for decorations at their socials and fundraisers.

The primarily elderly women in my immediate circle were caring women.  But some things were starting to come back to me that were not good.  And through my closest associations I was getting the message.  The other camp had influence over the ones around me.  My own group was easily being infiltrated due to their allegiance to the doctors. I wondered why I meant so much to Dr. Sargent that he needed to be sending out passive/aggressive messages that, obviously, he did not have the guts to come say straight to my face.

And, so it began in front of my face and behind my back the whispering, just loud enough so that I could hear.  I was made paranoid as the doctor’s network against me was just warming up.

So much for rest and recuperation.


Multicare vs Me (Public Record)

The first hearing went well.  The judge was Laura Jean Middaugh.  I’m not exactly sure what was its purpose, because I’m not a lawyer.  I guess it was just to have me appear.

The good news for me was that Judge Middaugh did not seem pleased with Cheryl Comer, Multicare/Dr. Sargent’s attorney.  She said something to the affect that this had better be good because, as it was, apparently to her things weren’t looking so hot.

Evidently, unlike Cheryl Comer and her employer the William Kastner law firm, Judge Middaugh had heard of HIPAA and cared about patient’s rights.  That did not deter Ms. Comer, though, so things went forward.   Ms. Comer was just doing her job, right?

In hindsight I wish I’d have thought to provide a motion to dismiss right then and there.  Because by the time I did the matter had been given over to Judge Leroy McCullough who was  far more accommodating with Multicare and Cheryl Comer than was Judge Middaugh.

Also, about McCullough, it seemed to me he’s a player of politics from the bench, using people as pawns versus actually administering justice.  Yes, I do have an ax to grind.

As it went, I didn’t know there were certain procedures that if the judge and the clerk cannot check their little procedures check boxes on so if something is outside those boxes they can pretend to be blind and deaf to that.

How I realized is because for the second hearing I requested to subpoena Dr. Sargent, Jr., Multicare Medical Director Fritz, and Dr. Minehan (my OB/GYN.)  To my surprise the judge approved them.  To me that meant he was going to listen.  I was mistaken.

At the hearing I was seeing Dr. Sargent, Jr. for the first time since the parking lot debacle. That made me very nervous, so I was trying to be calm.  Yet, the judge left all of us setting there waiting in the courtroom for over an hour.  The judge did that on purpose.  When he entered the room he kind of laughed and said his copier was not working right and that it had been printing out the case papers on everyone’s printer but his own.  Hah! Hah!  right?

All in all I think the waste of time did help me relax.

As it unfolded, that second hearing was for Cheryl Comer to present Multicare’s case against me.  She complained and feigned confusion over why I would subpoena the doctors during her portion of the case.  The judge kind of poo pooed her, as if to ask, “Does it really matter?”  It didn’t fit the check box, anyway, so who cared, right? So she presented her case and for nothing I put the witnesses on the stand.

I recall, rather hurt, asking Dr. Minehan if he was afraid of me, the way Dr. Sargent was presenting everyone was.  Remember, Dr. Minehan was the OB/GYN who was unhappy when he was forced to make me go with security while I was with him for my pelvic exam.  I don’t know why, but I was relieved when Dr. Minehan said, no, that he was not at all afraid of me.  And, again, he seemed rather unhappy.  Then I asked Dr. Fritz some stupid things, maybe if he was afraid of me too, then I let him go.

When Dr. Sargent got on the witness stand I was ready to drill him to the wall, and I did.  I had with me the deposition I’d found on the internet of the woman trapped by his psychiatrist father who was obviously experimenting on her with mind drugs.   As he took the deposition to see what it was Dr Sargent started groaning, almost comically if not for the seriousness of the matter.  He said that is how he learned.  I should have asked, “Learned what?”  But I think it was obvious what he’d been taught by his father.

The document contained terrible and inflammatory responses of his father’s and of his father’s crony network against the poor woman trying to defend herself from them. And they were not unlike what was being spread around town about me, too, by the doctor’s group.

Then I showed him pictures with aerial photos, too, of the parking lot where I was supposed to have blocked him from leaving.  And I asked him to confirm all of those pictures were accurate of the lot, which he did.  And while he was looking at it all I asked him if there was any way I could have blocked him in that night?  To which, with the proof being right there in his hands, he had to say no.

The reason the latter was important was because they had gotten their temporary restraining order based upon their (Dr. Sargent and medical assistant Christine Monroe’s) stating I’d blocked him in from leaving.

All in all, with only about half my wits, on the witness stand the doctor was made to look pretty bad.  As the prosecution’s hearing closed, I think it was Cheryl Comer who asked if the witnesses needed to come back for the third hearing.  Which would be when I presented my side.  To which McCullough said no.

At that moment I realized his allowing my subpoena had nothing to do with his desire to see the truth, and he only wanted the doctors to know he was in charge of them.  He knew when he allowed the witnessing their testimony would not even be used because it was not being presented by me for my defense.  Not that he had any obligation to me.  But I used to think they had an obligation to guide justice. Now I know better.  Did I mention I’ve had an ax to grind?

I don’t recall if it was at the end of the second hearing or at the end of the third that I’d filed all the 35+ exhibits for record that included the doctor’s father’s deposition between his own patient (one that my doctor said showed how he’d been taught by his father), the list from my pharmacy of the drugs my doctor had been dumping into me, also I included from St. Joseph’s copies the paperwork about the Ambien and my stay in the psych ward, and I included the parking lot photos of which the doctor had testified over.

Madly, as I remember, between the second and third hearings I was researching, typing and filing, back and forth I went.  I believe at some point I’d submitted motions that were ignored, primarily motions to dismiss.  As I learned more I’d update the papers I was filing.

When I figured out the law Cheryl Comer was using did not even apply, I wrote a deposition saying so.  More to the point, the law she was trying to use did not even apply because it was for preventing people from blocking a patient or staff from entering or exiting the doors of an abortion clinic.  Also I think it was in that deposition where I said Comer had not even proven her case, and that the accusations had been refuted through testimony and evidence proving her charges were impossible.  I believe, again, I submitted a request to dismiss.

I remember at the beginning of my defense the judge asked Comer if she’d read my deposition. To which she answered yes.  I could tell the judge was just letting her know she had not done her job, and that I’d done better work than she had.  He was letting her know he’d have to take care of it for her.  Professional courtesy of the BAR, and all.   He didn’t seem happy about it, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him.

I remember when I was handing in those exhibits for numbering by the clerk the judge was running out of patience, and I was enjoying it.  I would call out what each document was. Then I would set a copy in front of Cheryl Comer and take one to the clerk for numbering.   And with each one Cheryl Comer seemed to be sinking into her seat.  After presenting my side, we got to the end.

My elderly Mom was with me at the last hearing, so she set to my right.  Judge McCullough set his gaze on her.  Leaning in and smiling at my Mom, he began asking questions about her possible presence during December (which would have been the parking lot matter he was referring to.)  I think he even mentioned my hysterectomy.   I was taken off guard by what seemed to be his concern.  I suppose he was wondering if my Mom might have been there with me that night, and if she was that could turn to bite him in the butt.

Once he was satisfied he’d charmed from her what he needed, he turned to me with an entirely different demeanor.  The change in him from pretending kindness towards my Mom to suddenly being nasty took me aback.  Of course, that was his plan all along.

He stated to me, not as a question, “You blocked the doctor from leaving, didn’t you?” To which I said, no.

He furrowed his brows, shifted his body, and more aggressively stated it again.  “You blocked the doctor from leaving, didn’t you?” Again, I said no.

I started becoming afraid. He was frightening me. Of course, that is what he’d planned all along.

When again he insisted, made trembling I acquiesced.

I saw he was thrilled having succeeded over me.  It was as if he had showed this little pip squeak what was what.  Case closed.  He won.

It had nothing to do with honesty or the truth.  It has nothing to do with the laws, patient’s rights, of good ethics, either.  But that was that.  Sign this, sign that, now get out of here you loser.

From that point forward I was the loser.

And from that point forward the doctor and his family, especially his father and his cronies, were not going to let me forget it either.

I am sure they wanted to buy time, to keep me beaten down, at least until they thought the statutes ran out for me to sue them.

Ultimately I did report the judge to the judicial oversight committee, only to learn those people are political placements by the very judges they are supposed to be overseeing.  Learning that, of course, was very disheartening.

When people who don’t follow their own lessons, the same doctors who do not follow the rules, and who instead choose to disrespect and ignore the legal boundaries set in place to protect patients from just this type of attack, then those so called professionals preach to teach a patient a lesson, this is what happens when the patient lives to tell.  It is not going to be pretty.  This is because my own personality or character flaws were never in question, never should have been made put into question.  But the doctor’s, and his families, and probably even the doctor’s medical assistant’s integrity is and should be questioned.  And this is only happening because I’ve managed to live.

The stigma of being found publicly courts a stalker has got to be one of the most horrible things to do to someone’s reputation.  Especially in a smaller town like I lived in.  They knew what they were doing, and what they did was intended to cause me the most harm.  If this was not true they would have filed a case closed from the public.  They weren’t satisfied with just humiliating me.  What they did was wage an all out war against me, that continued for years, probably still is continuing except I choose to ignore them.  But it has been a war they intended would end with my suicide, or someone’s strange killing me, or at least my disappearance into oblivion.  And  because I’m standing they still seem to be trying me by their own self righteousness.  That isn’t going to happen.

Officially Addicted

Up until this particular time I had been using King County Crisis hotline to help control my bouts of hysteria.  Although I was not suicidal, as I said before, I would fall into  these uncontrollable bouts so that whomever answered at the hotline would talk me down.  The people who handle those lines are amazing. What they have to listen to must be difficult, as bad as what the 911 operators hear, I’ll bet.  They were always kind and understanding.

Remembering back, again, I cannot believe how many people I was telling my story to.  And none of them seemed to doubt it either.  From the Puget Sound Crisis Center staff, to the crisis hotline, they all listened and must have been horrified, too, to hear that a doctor would do this to a patient.

But that one particular day hysterically crying and circling State Street and Kennebeck in my truck was even more over the top.  Usually my hysteria was kept to myself, privately in my home or on the phone with the crisis hotline.  That is why this time I called my sister instead.  Her telling me to meet her at Valley Medical Hospital was smart.  And meeting her and my mom there, after not having been given any post Ambien related medical treatment, finally I was getting it.

The antidote, of course = more prescription drugs.

At Valley Medical Hospital, though, while sobbing out the whole story as I saw it, officially I became addicted to prescriptions.  It did not take long for the Ativan to settle me down, maybe about a half an hour.  It worked! Emergency over, family relieved, we all went home to our respective houses.  My sister’s a few blocks one way, my mother’s just a few more blocks the other way.  And I’m hooked.

Once home I realized I needed to continue receiving the Ativan if I was going to manage. Now, more than ever, I’d need to find myself a new doctor.  So I did.

My new doctor was great and kind, and I told him the whole story, too, of what Dr. Sargent had done to me and of what Multicare was doing.  I told him about their calling me into court on false pretenses, and how much that was stressing me out.  At his clinic they provided free coping and stress relief classes, he said, by a nice man named Jim.  Right away I signed up to meet with Jim, and he was great, just like Dr. Heffner said he would be.  Jim helped me to understand the dichotomy of an anxiety attack, how long to expect it to last, and assured me that if during the hearing I began having one I should feel assured nobody would notice and any onlooker would believe my hesitation was just that I was thinking.  I think he said I should count to 15 (or something like that), and by the time I did I would find myself settling down.   So that is how I managed the hearings.




The Death Machine.

“You’ve changed, ” is what my quack doctor said to me after I got out of the St. Joseph psych ward.  Its, like, no kidding, man.

The truth is families don’t even know what has happened to their loved ones.

We hear it now over and over, even from pharmaceutical reps, about their own family members and how these drugs have killed their own loved ones.  Yet the powers that be keep on pushing them.  Even worse, they are putting “therapists” in schools now who are sold into the system and feed troubled kids into it for drugging.

The stigma of the ones who do this report WE are “prescription addicts” and that puts a negative connotation onto us, makes US look weak instead of them.

Yes, they do know how to deflect blame.  But THEY are the weak ones. THEY are to blame.  They are responsible.  Any addiction we have was by mistake of trusting our doctor (or in many cases a psychiatrist.)  Everyone trusts their doctors.  It is the primary challenge by egotists who want to show me I’m wrong and to show me I was the problem, and that my doctor was only trying to help.    They are full of shit.  Every time I’ve proven it, too, so that they run away.  They cannot handle the truth.

The system is reaping great profits for Wall Street investors, which includes pension funds, that most are supporting.  Big Pharma has a never ending supply of money going in because too many are being sold on that its saving lives even though its not.  Its what seems to be an unstoppable racket that is HUGE.  And here I am, little Miss Nobody, trying to tell people how they are making the money from and for a death machine.  But I’m the enemy. Well, I guess I am since I was supposed to die, right?

What makes me sad, even more, is that along the way I’ve known people to try it for themselves.  One very young woman, after listening to me, went to her doctor to get some mind drugs she said was for depression. She wanted to see if she could live the excitement I’d survived, I guess. When she told me she’d gotten them I was appalled.  That is totally irresponsible. So am I not supposed to tell this story?

And other people, even some close to me, have accepted these drugs from their doctor despite what they have seen me go through. Almost as if it is a challenge to prove their doctor is good, and maybe just mine was not.  I don’t buy it.  If any doctor is in the “business” he or she is bad. Go visit Dr. Pepper in Renton, Washington and you will find a possessed by money woman.  Anymore all the doctors are possessed, or they are poor.  Or at least they aren’t raking in the big bucks Big Pharma’s business model offers.

Even my mother received some stupid drugs when her doctor more recently told her she was depressed.  Those drugs made my mom noticeably weird so she stopped taking them when I complained, and hasn’t picked them up again.  And my mom was the primary who saved me from the Ambien debacle!!!  This proves just how brainwashed people are about trusting their doctors!  Even doctors want to prove me wrong, they are that sold into their own systems.  Yes, I am the enemy.  I’ve survived to tell.

So is my case unusual?  Yah, we’d like to think so, but I don’t believe it is.  These people are toying with our brains.  Where some talk about our 6 degrees of separation I’ll bet with regards to being negatively affected by these drugs and western medicine business practices we are less than 4 degrees of separation.  And the number is going to get worse because Big Pharma is pushing it on kids.  Yet these drugs are clearly the portals to the demons of Lucifer’s.

I can tell you that they deviated my mind.  This is personal and hard for me to share, but I began having deviated sexual fantasies that were not normal to me.  I am an average hetero sexual woman who had made love to my husband of 28 years in the tall green grass.  I loved my husband.  After all the years sex between us remained good.  We’d made love in abandoned barns in the middle of nowhere.  We’d made love under beautiful waterfalls, in warm lakes and in ice cold streams.  Our sex life and intimacy was fine.  I was never looking for someone better.  I really don’t believe he was either.  Our marriage was solid.

At the time the doctor started blowing my mind with drugs I was 49 years old and had been married for 27, almost 28 years.  My personality was established, and porn was not my thing.  I was a cookie baking, stand by your man, kind of an Aunt Judy.

Yet, suddenly I was having strange dreams with sexual fantasies that were not including my husband.  They were way outside my normal repertoires.  Also I began feverishly masturbating, which was something I had never done before!  Before I was a satisfied woman.

I’ve never spoken about any of this, either, like I’d never spoken about Frank’s gaslighting me.  This has been something very personal I’ve kept to myself to protect myself from criticism or harsh judgments, and even from the perverted thoughts of others.  I don’t remember exactly when the porn fantasies and masturbating started.  It might have been after the Ambien episode, or at the start of the Lorazepam.   I really don’t remember.  Probably fantasizing about Dr. Sargent Jr., began around the time of the Paxil, than escalated as my mind was being changed up/down and around.  And those fantasies did not include only being about Dr. Sargent Jr.   I think the porn fantasies started around the time of Paxil/Vioxx.  Its all something I haven’t really had time until now to think about.

As I’ve said before, I was all over the map.  The portals to Lucifer had been opened and the death machine was already set in place by the doctor’s father’s network (and probably many others too, who were team tagged to take out someone like me) to take me out with words and phrases whispered into the ears of people around me.   They knew what they were doing.  But, as I prepared to go to court against them, I had no idea now deep it went.  Nor did I really have an idea of what I was doing.  When prescription warning says they cause confusion, and if we do report that to out doctor, isn’t THAT confusing?  Its a terrible quagmire when a drug takes over the mind.  So preparing for court for sure I was not operating at full capacity.  I was still in la la land but gathering up as much information, relevant or not, to the case filed in the courts so that any reader could see what they were doing.  I was following the instructions of that street minister I’d never met before and have never seen since.

Families have no idea. They are not prepared for our change.  Neither are we.  How can we be?  There is no warning in the world that can prepare us when our trusted doctor hands us something we think is as harmless and as helpful as a prescription of penicillin or codeine to fix a symptom.

ADDED:  Here is a video just shared on the foster care system’s drugging of children, and even of babies.  They are opening the portals to Lucifer.  There is no doubt about it.  And there is big money in it.



Let’s Look At “Side Effects”

Keep in mind the reports to the FDA are related to who and how many people were studied.  Also intensity of negative effects can vary.  And let’s not forget that Dr. Hicks told us he left “western” medicine and went into natural medicine because he was tired of giving people drugs that made them worse instead of better.  He told us there is no such thing as a “side” effect, and that they are ALL effects that will either appear right away or in time.  He said the industry calls them “side” effects to lighten the reality of that they are negative effects to expect, instead.


BuSpar (buspirone) is an anti-anxiety medicine that affects chemicals in your brain that may become unbalanced and cause anxiety. BuSpar is used to treat symptoms of anxiety, such as fear, tension, irritability, dizziness, pounding heartbeat, and other physical symptoms.

  • excitement
  • sleep problems (insomnia or strange dreams).
  • feeling restless or nervous;
  • Feeling Anger Toward Something  Severe
  • Over Excitement  Severe
  • Confused  Severe
  • Depression  Severe
  • Nightmares  Less Severe



Paxil is the trade name of the medication paroxetine, which is prescribed to treat major depression and other psychological pathologies that include panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, social anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder and posttraumatic stress syndrome. The drug is also given to pregnant women suffering from these disorders.

  • abnormal dreams
  • headache
  • drowsiness
  • difficulty concentrating
  • blurred vision
  • changes in sexual function
  • uncontrollable excitement
  • depression
  • lack of emotion
  • amnesia
  • menstrual disorder
  • concentration impairment
  • insomnia


Vioxx was withdrawn from the U.S. market in 2004. Vioxx is in a class of drugs called nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs). Vioxx works by reducing substances that cause inflammation, pain, and fever in the body.

  • High Blood Pressure   Severe
  • Disease Of The Heart And Blood Vessels  Severe
  • Chronic Trouble Sleeping  Less Severe
  • Depression  Less Severe
  • Feeling Anxious  Less Severe
  • There are so many  seriously negative effects to the heart and the guts that I cannot list them all.    Also, there is basal carcinoma and more.


Ambien (zolpidem) is a sedative, also called a hypnotic. Zolpidem affects chemicals in the brain that may be unbalanced in people with sleep problems insomnia). Ambien is used to treat insomnia. The immediate-release tablet is used to help you fall asleep when you first go to bed.

I am going to give a little different overview of Ambien because Ambien is what landed me in the psych ward in February 2005<

For Consumers

What are the possible side effects of zolpidem (Ambien, Ambien CR, Edluar, Intermezzo, Zolpimist)?

Zolpidem may cause a severe allergic reaction. Stop taking zolpidem and get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat.

Report any new or worsening symptoms to your doctor, such as: depression, anxiety, aggression, agitation, confusion, unusual thoughts, hallucinations, memory problems, changes in personality, risk-taking behavior, decreased inhibitions, no fear of danger, or thoughts of suicide or hurting…

Read All Potential Side Effects and See Pictures of Ambien »

Indications & Dosage

  1. Insomnia Slideshow Pictures: 10 Tips to Avoid Insomnia
  2. Sleep Slideshow: Foods That Help or Harm Your Sleep
  3. Quiz: Suffer From Insomnia?


AMBIEN (zolpidem tartrate) is indicated for the short-term treatment of insomnia characterized by difficulties with sleep initiation. AMBIEN has been shown to decrease sleep latency for up to 35 days in controlled clinical studies [see Clinical Studies].

The clinical trials performed in support of efficacy were 4–5 weeks in duration with the final formal assessments of sleep latency performed at the end of treatment.

Central and peripheral nervous system:

FREQUENT: ataxia, confusion, euphoria, headache, insomnia, vertigo Infrequent: agitation, anxiety, decreased cognition, detached, difficulty concentrating, dysarthria, emotional labilityhallucination, hypoesthesia,illusion, leg cramps, migraine, nervousness, paresthesia, sleeping (after daytime dosing), speech disorder, stupor, tremor. Rare: abnormal gait, abnormal thinking, aggressive reaction, apathy, appetite increased, decreased libidodelusiondementia, depersonalization, dysphasia, feeling strange, hypokinesia, hypotonia, hysteria, intoxicated feeling, manic reaction, neuralgia, neuritis, neuropathyneurosis, panic attacks, paresis,personality disordersomnambulism, suicide attempts, tetanyyawning.

Warnings & Precautions

  1. Insomnia Slideshow Pictures: 10 Tips to Avoid Insomnia
  2. Sleep Slideshow: Foods That Help or Harm Your Sleep
  3. Quiz: Suffer From Insomnia?


Included as part of the “PRECAUTIONS” Section


CNS Depressant Effects And Next-Day Impairment

AMBIEN, like other sedative-hypnotic drugs, has central nervous system(CNS) depressant effects. Co-administration with other CNS depressants (e.g., benzodiazepines, opioids, tricyclic antidepressants, alcohol) increases the risk of CNS depression. Dosage adjustments of AMBIEN and of other concomitant CNS depressants may be necessary when AMBIEN is administered with such agents because of the potentially additive effects. The use of AMBIEN with other sedative-hypnotics (including other zolpidem products) at bedtime or the middle of the night is not recommended [seeDOSAGE AND ADMINISTRATION].

The risk of next-day psychomotor impairment, including impaired driving, is increased if AMBIEN is taken with less than a full night of sleep remaining (7 to 8 hours); if a higher than the recommended dose is taken; if co-administered with other CNS depressants or alcohol; or if co-administered with other drugs that increase the blood levels of zolpidem. Patients should be warned against driving and other activities requiring complete mental alertness if AMBIEN is taken in these circumstances [see DOSAGE AND ADMINISTRATION and Clinical Studies].

Vehicle drivers and machine operators should be warned that, as with other hypnotics, there may be a possible risk of adverse reactions including drowsiness, prolonged reaction time, dizziness, sleepiness, blurred/double vision, reduced alertness and impaired driving the morning after therapy. In order to minimize this risk a full night of sleep (7–8 hours) is recommended.

Need To Evaluate For Co-Morbid Diagnoses

Because sleep disturbances may be the presenting manifestation of a physical and/or psychiatric disorder, symptomatic treatment of insomnia should be initiated only after a careful evaluation of the patient. The failure of insomnia to remit after 7 to 10 days of treatment may indicate the presence of a primary psychiatric and/or medical illness that should be evaluated. Worsening of insomnia or the emergence of new thinking or behavior abnormalities may be the consequence of an unrecognized psychiatric or physical disorder. Such findings have emerged during the course of treatment with sedative/hypnotic drugs, including zolpidem.

Severe Anaphylactic And Anaphylactoid Reactions

Cases of angioedema involving the tongue, glottis or larynx have been reported in patients after taking the first or subsequent doses of sedative-hypnotics, including zolpidem. Some patients have had additional symptoms such as dyspnea, throat closing or nausea and vomiting that suggest anaphylaxis. Some patients have required medical therapy in theemergency department. If angioedema involves the throat, glottis or larynx,airway obstruction may occur and be fatal. Patients who develop angioedema after treatment with zolpidem should not be rechallenged with the drug.

Abnormal Thinking And Behavioral Changes

Abnormal thinking and behavior changes have been reported in patients treated with sedative/ hypnotics, including AMBIEN. Some of these changes included decreased inhibition (e.g., aggressiveness and extroversion that seemed out of character), bizarre behavior, agitation and depersonalization. Visual and auditory hallucinations have been reported.

In controlled trials of AMBIEN 10 mg taken at bedtime < 1% of adults with insomnia reported hallucinations. In a clinical trial, 7% of pediatric patients treated with AMBIEN 0.25 mg/kg taken at bedtime reported hallucinations versus 0% treated with placebo [see Use In Specific Populations]. Complex behaviors such as "sleep-driving" (i.e., driving while not fully awake after ingestion of a sedative-hypnotic, with amnesia for the event) have been reported in sedative-hypnotic-naive as well as in sedative-hypnotic-experienced persons. Although behaviors such as “sleep-driving” have occurred with AMBIEN alone at therapeutic doses, the co-administration of AMBIEN with alcohol and other CNS depressants increases the risk of such behaviors, as does the use of AMBIEN at doses exceeding the maximum recommended dose. Due to the risk to the patient and the community, discontinuation of AMBIEN should be strongly considered for patients who report a “sleep-driving” episode.

Other complex behaviors (e.g., preparing and eating food, making phone calls, or having sex) have been reported in patients who are not fully awake after taking a sedative-hypnotic. As with “sleep-driving”, patients usually do not remember these events. Amnesia, anxiety and other neuropsychiatric symptoms may also occur.

It can rarely be determined with certainty whether a particular instance of the abnormal behaviors listed above is drug induced, spontaneous in origin, or a result of an underlying psychiatric or physical disorder. Nonetheless, the emergence of any new behavioral sign or symptom of concern requires careful and immediate evaluation.

Use In Patients With Depression

In primarily depressed patients treated with sedative-hypnotics, worsening of depression, and suicidal thoughts and actions (including completed suicides), have been reported. Suicidal tendencies may be present in such patients and protective measures may be required. Intentional overdosage is more common in this group of patients; therefore, the lowest number of tablets that is feasible hould be prescribed for the patient at any one time.



Lorazepam is in a group of drugs called benzodiazepines (ben-zoe-dye-AZE-eh-peens). Lorazepam affects chemicals in the brain that may become unbalanced and cause anxiety. Lorazepam is used to treat anxiety disorders. Lorazepam may also be used for other purposes not listed in this medication guide.

  • confusion
  • depressed mood
  • thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself;
  • hyperactivity
  • agitation
  • hostility;
  • hallucinations
  • feeling light-headed
  • fainting.
  • aggressive
  • angry
  • false or unusual sense of well-being
  • uncontrolled movements, especially of the face, neck, and back, twitching
  • thoughts or attempts at killing oneself


SEROQUEL (Quietiapine):

Seroquel (Serequil) is an antipsychotic medication used to treat schizophrenia and bipolar disorder (manic depression). Seroquel

  • inability to sit still
  • increased blinking or spasms of the eyelid
  • aching and discomfort in the legs
  • anxiety, >its my opinion Seroquel made me feel kind of paranoid<

Lithium Carbonate:

Lithium is used to treat and prevent episodes of mania in people with bipolar disorder (manic depressive disorder). Lithium is in a class of medications called antimanic agents, which work by decreasing abnormal activity in the brain.

My experience with lithium carbonate was good, with one exception. The administering physician was not proactively caring.  It did not take long for my kidneys (renal failure) to exhibit signs of failing.  Rather then correct the problem the physician told me that  by looking over the lab tests it would not be long, maybe 6 months to 1 year, when I would need to begin dialysis.  From that I realized I needed to become proactive myself.  So I researched to find lithium orotate, which he could not prescribe because it is very low dose lithium and can be gotten over the counter.   I proceeded bringing down the manic episodes I was experiencing with the over the counter product, and it served me well.

Researching right now for this chapter I see there were measures the physician could have taken to prevent me from having renal failure, so instead of negative effects I will post the preventative measures for while using the strong dose of lithium carbonate.  That said, though, if you have manic episodes its my opinion as a survivor to research lithium orotate. Dr. Jonathan Wright has written articles that are on the internet about the wonders of lithium. Its my positive experience that its a natural remedy for people suffering from the mania (triggers) brought on by emotional trauma.

The site is troubling to copy and paste from so I’ll just post the site here for you to read.  I don’t want to be up all night fighting with their cookies:

I was blessed to have coverage to go for a period of time to Dr. Wright’s Tahoma Clinic.  The government, for Big Pharma, has tried to close down Dr. Wright’s practice so that he’s continually in lawsuits with them.  He’s said to the effect that if he’s not in a lawsuit of the government he wouldn’t know what to even think.    And that is a shame.  His practice was one on the forefront of prescribing and providing bio identical hormones.

Taken from = Jonathan V. Wright, M.D. states in his one of his newsletters,  “Medical experts at one time believed that once our brains matured, it was all downhill from then on.  Decades of autopsies, x-rays, and, more recently, brain scans have repeatedly shown that brains shrink measurably with aging.  But, according to their report in the Lancet, Wayne State University (Detroit) researchers found that lithium has the ability to both protect and renew brain cells.(2)  Eight of 10 individuals who took lithium showed an average 3 percent increase in brain grey matter in just four weeks.”

Dr. Wright adds, “Lithium may help to generate entirely new cells too:  Another group of researchers recently reported that lithium also enhances nerve cell DNA replication.(3)  DNA replication is a first step in the formation of a new cell of any type.  The Wayne State study used high-dose lithium, but I’m certainly not using that amount myself, nor do I recommend it.  Prescription quantities of lithium just aren’t necessary for “everyday” brain cell protection and re-growth.  Studies done years ago have shown that very low amounts of lithium can also measurably influence brain function for the better.”

A youtube promo of Dr. Wright.


I no longer use lithium orotate, because the mania has subsided as I have gotten away from the predator Dr. Sargent and his family and network of flying monkey.  Re-reading Dr. Wright’s article makes me think I ought to continue its use just for brain maintenance.

I don’t want to end this chapter on a happy note, though, because  whether what Big Pharma and their prescribers are doing is incompetent or on purpose needs to be thought about.  Especially with regards to all of the deaths they are causing without answering for it.

What I’ve shared is just a small list of what they had been dumping into me.  Three of four things I can’t remember, and those were given to me between the handfuls of Vioxx samples he gave me at the end of 2004 and the Ambien prescription in Feb. 2005.

If you check the article on Misty Upham’s death you will see she was being given even more than I was.

To all of this here I can only ask one question and it is “what the hell is going on?”

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Buspar, Paxil, Vioxx, Ambien, Ativan, Seroquel, Lithium Carbonate, And More, Oh My!

Coming:  Descriptions of these prescription drugs.  Between the Vioxx and the Ambien three or four other drugs were given to me by Dr. Sargent Jr.  I gave that list (received from the dispensing pharmacy, Rite Aide) to the courts, and the courts destroyed it.  Later I tried to get another list from the pharmacy but they said their records are only kept for about one year, so mine were no longer in their system.  The Vioxx was given to me in the form of physician handouts.  I don’t remember the reason he gave me those.

As I begin posting the information on these drugs I want to draw the reader’s attention to the list of drugs “they” reported Misty Upham had.

Also I want to draw to the reader’s attention the negative implication of its being said or inferred we, the patients, are prescription addicted.

I want to draw to the reader’s attention to what the purpose of the drugs I was being given are (were.)  And maybe this should be looked at about the list of drugs it was said years later was being given to Misty.

And, finally, I want the reader to consider the warnings.  Particularly the warnings of Ambien’s, that instructs us to tell our doctors if we are experiencing the negative side effects.   Its not my intention to think for the reader.  Its only my intent to suggest considering the rationality of someone experiencing those symptoms, and whether or not a competent physician who knows the patient would or should recognize any of those symptoms or changes in a patient if the patient was explicitly describing them to him.  I would like the reader to consider that while the patient is overtly experiencing negative effects as they are described warnings, under those conditions who should be the more responsive party?  The doctor, or the patient who is suffering those effects?

What I am doing now is rebuilding what I was researching and providing to the courts during early 2006 for Multicare vs Judy Lee some of those 35+ exhibits I gave them (that William Kastner Law Firm may still have in their possession.)

Also I’m integrating with this what I now know, with the information that came by additional events terrible events of Lisa Nowak, Misty Upham, Rick, which has that kept me focused, albeit muddled, on that I was not alone and about what was going on with the prescription practices.

As I proceed telling a) what the doctor’s group was doing to me in their mind fucking I will also attempt to find and recreate what I was pulling back then from the internet obout Dr. Sargent Jr.’s father’s crony network’s practice on people trapped in Western State Jail/Hospital who were trying to get away from their pharmaceutical experimentation.

For now, if you would like to know more about Misty, I’ll include the links.  The commonalities between Misty and I is Multicare, Valley Cities in Auburn, Washington, and local law enforcement that was not willing to take seriously anything we reported.

At this moment I am calm, but I am also praying they don’t have me killed or cause something terrible to happen around me so that I cannot finish what I’ve set out to do.  Which is to expose them as the murderers they are.

These two articles have been buried in the search engines.  At the time there was another, which included a statement from Multicare.  I cannot find that one.  But here are the two that caught my attention, by the grace of God.

I’d like to remind the reader that when he admitted me into St. Josephs’ psych ward Dr. Sargent Jr. reported it was because I was suicidal.  I am going to repeat here that was a flat out lie.  I was not ever fearful about somehow hurting myself, or about being alone or harmed until I received the Multicare vs Judy Lee documents in December 2005.

After I pulled myself together I did not ever have another feeling that I would harm myself until November 2012, after 13 years of hell watching my entire life’s accomplishments destroyed.  At that time I was on Ativan, and I was on Ativan from mid 2006 until being admitted into Fairfax Hospital in November 2012 when finally I did try to commit suicide.  At Fairfax they didn’t know if I was a drug addict, an alcoholic or if the lie was true that I was bi polar.

Fairfax approached it that I was bi polar, so they began “treating” me with Seroquel and something else, that I don’t remember now, which had me crawling out of my skin too.    The doctor at Fairfax, when I reported to him his prescriptions were not compatible, offered prescription lithium carbonate with a warning that could cause kidney damage.  He told me, though that lithium had proven to be the best “drug” for controlling bi polar.

Within about 2 months the lithium carbonate began having a negative impact on my kidneys, so that my then newest doctor told me very soon I would probably be needing to go into dialysis.  I did not want that so I researched lithium to find an over the counter tablet that was superior to what was being prescribed. When I showed the doctor he told me, “Yah but I can’t prescribe that.”  I asked if he saw anything wrong with it that would cause me harm.  He said no.  I also asked the pharmacist the same thing. She said she can’t dispense it because its over the counter. To which I said yes I know.  I only want to know from her scientific education does she see anything in the lower dosage over the counter lithium that would harm me.  She said no.  So I began administering to myself.

Today I don’t need the lithium.  I am prescription free and I have been so for more than 3 years.

I am not on dialysis either, although my kidneys no longer function at their optimum.  When physically they indicate problems I treat them naturally and organically.

The next chapters will be on each prescription drug I’ve listed.  On your own you might want to check the ones they were dumping into Misty.  Rick, who killed himself, was being given Ambien.

If things go well I will be able to pull other depositions from people Dr. Sargent Sr. was experimenting on.  I know what I’d given to the courts was taken down from the internet, or at least buried.  If its there I will find it.  If its not there I will dig up from the courts more.

When first I got onto social media most people didn’t know what to think of me.  Some ran away believing I am the problem.  I’m not.  Thank you for sticking with me.

PS:  Something that has been brought up by my friend that I should share is that Dr. Sargent Jr. is a general practice physician.  He was not a psychiatrist.  His father was a psychiatrist who worked for the State and also I believe he had a private practice.

Also I am not going back to correct it but finding my little coloring book from the time, I see the institution I was sent to from St. Joseph was Puget Sound Crisis Center not Pierce County Crisis Center as I’d reported it in the earlier chapters.  Like I’ve said, I’m not going back to correct that right now.  Its not a priority.

I believe Dr. Sargent Sr. was a part owner of Pierce County Crisis Center, or at least on their Board of Directors.

Bi Polar Disorder

Bipolar disorder

Also called: manic depression


Requires a medical diagnosis

Manic episodes may include symptoms such as high energy, reduced need for sleep, and loss of touch with reality. Depressive episodes may include symptoms such as low energy, low motivation, and loss of interest in daily activities. Mood episodes last days to months at a time and may also be associated with suicidal thoughts.

People may experience:

Mood: mood swings, sadness, elevated mood, anger, anxiety, apathy, apprehension, euphoria, general discontent, guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest, or loss of interest or pleasure in activities

Behavioral: irritability, risk taking behaviors, disorganized behavior, aggression, agitation, crying, excess desire for sex, hyperactivity, impulsivity, or self-harm

Cognitive: unwanted thoughts, delusion, lack of concentration, racing thoughts, slowness in activity, or false belief of superiority

Psychological: depression, manic episode, agitated depression, or paranoia

Sleep: difficulty falling asleep or excess sleepiness

Whole body: fatigue or restlessness

Weight: weight gain or weight loss

Also common: rapid and frenzied speaking

Consult a doctor for medical advice

Sources: Mayo Clinic and others

MK Ultra, Or Bullshit To Get Out Of Having Been A Mind Fucking Murderer?

Its starting to be understood by me through its being exposed there are powerful predatory people who lack depth of character and texture in personality who are evaluating people who have it.

The former comes up with fabricated mental illnesses for diagnosing and prescribing antidotes for creating financial gain.

Wow. Dirty pool. Big Pharma, Western Medicine, Fourth Reich Psychiatry, Scientologists, Cult Religions, Wall Street, Banking, Governments. Governments plural not singular, and their employees are all benefiting from the racket.

Are we coming out of the rabbit hole or are we going in?

I wonder if Kevin Boileau and his Existential Psycho analytical Institute of Seattle has an answer to this?

Seems my handler Agent Oberlin might know, too, right?

Nothing like the government’s keeping notes but not taking any particular action, eh, when courts are banks, and all are Luciferian?

Just sayin’

(ADDED:  The above is me triggering.  I used to trigger for days, as I’ve said.  I used to trigger into verbal flailing, and I was unable to control it.  Around 2011, to cope with all I was going through, I turned into what I consider to have been a raging drunk, which with the triggers added new and terrible features to my already beyond recognition personality.

By 20111 I was triggering most the time, on top of trying to stop the devastation being caused by them to my life.

As the years passed, and around 2016, the triggering was kind of guided by a friend into very expressive rages that included a lot of swearing.  That felt good, like a release but, ultimately, they were not really me either.

Finding my way back to my former self, just recently I was moved by a picture of Dr. Sargent Sr.  In all of these years it was the first time I’d ever seen what he looks like.  I’ve always wondered.  From seeing his picture I was compelled to cuss them out, including Kevin Boileau and two of the women related to him.  Fuck their court order.  This is about ME, and my recovering from what they did to me.  In return I have not heard a peep back to speak of, and I had better not, either.

Last night after writing this chapter I went to bed pleased.  I went to bed feeling well.  I have not felt truly well in a long, long time.  I have said I do to encourage myself.  We can lie to ourselves to keep going.  I have done that.  I guess its worked.

This morning I’ve awakened even more pleased because this episode of triggering was only due to that I was drinking while I was experiencing something emotional and almost unbelievable that reminded me of Kevin Boileau. And that was from watching a video of a woman who claimed to be a rehabilitating MKUltra.  To me her particular victimization was not believable. She was a liar.  She had enjoyed her part in what she did.  I think she is a sociopath like Kevin.

So I watched other video of people who to me were true.

That aside, I was triggering but I kept pretty good control of myself.  Better control then I have ever, I think.

I knocked out this Chapter, I sent a text to a stupid woman who had made an even more stupid evaluation of what she thinks is my problem because according to her I refuse to forgive my rapist.

All in all this was a pretty small and low key trigger that gives me hope its possible I may actually be getting in control, or that I may actually be getting over the trauma of what they did to me.

Maybe it really is almost over, with exception to that now I live below poverty where before what they did I did not.

This morning I’m not compelled to delete this Chapter.  I’m not compelled to deactivate my Facebook account.  I am feeling zero shame from anything I’ve said or done while triggering.  And maybe it wasn’t even noticeable to others.  Who knows?

I’m not having anxiety over thinking I’ve reveled something or done something that may jeopardize my personal safety.  I do not believe from last nights little drunken trigger they are going to come back to get me.

For a long time, well until very recently actually, I’ve lived with fear they would come back to get me again.

There was a long time, even until recently here in my new location across the country, when someone knocked on the door I would succumb to terrorizing fear, frozen in my steps, afraid to answer the door knowing on the other side was some b.s. having to do with one of them.

As I move forward I will get to explain why it would be someone’s coming to my door that would terrify me.  What they did continued over a long period of time, like I said,  while they hoped I would kill myself from it all.

At no point should the reader be convinced what they were doing was to help me. And despite that last night I went to bed feeling convinced God is truly restoring me, the weight of knowing what they have done to me and to others, the gravity of what they do will never leave.  Yes, they have killed people and they do not care.

But, for now, at this moment and even since last night when I went to bed and have awakened knowing I am safe.

The trigger was short lived, and I did not cause myself harm.

I only used a couple of swear words (hooray, maybe what I’ve called the Tourette period is almost over too) and did not verbally attack anyone with expletives.  All in all, it was a minor trigger, and I awoke remembering everything I said and did while I was triggering.  All in all I’m still feeling pretty good.  No anxiety, no feeling of foreboding.  I’m in one piece.  I am officially myself.  Well what is left of myself anyway, after 13 years of a medically induced hell, right?)

Today, Friday, October 27, 2017 in Clyde, OH 43410 the nightmare appears to be officially ended.)