Month: December 2017

2018 Here We Come.

As we enter into the New Year, despite the still crashed laptop, I want to leave 2017 with a thank you to the hundreds of readers and literally thousands of views of this blog. Thank you, too, to those of you who have afforded to support my writing. Al of you mean so much to me.

As we move together into the New Year some of you have made suggestions on what areas of surviving could be better covered. Such as the typecasting we run up against by well meaning but misguided individuals. We will explore more in depth the victim blaming mentality and how that can be used against us. Sometimes even by ourselves, because nobody wants to be a victim or to feel like one. Also we will get into the narcissist and sociopath personalities, too. Especially we will talk about forgiveness and a victim’s obligation or non obligation to forgive. And we will talk about our feelings towards the human predators.

But for now let’s celebrate the coming of a New Year. And with it I want to wish every single one of you the peace and prosperity of the Lord, my Savior, Jesus Christ and I pray for you all the same and even more then what he has given me to get through.


Judy Lee
2018 Here We Come

Computer crashed!

I gues Julian Assange isn’t the only one experiencing technical issues!

This will be the last post for 2017. 🎄

Will reconvene after the New Year, hopefully. 🍾

I didn’t want anyone to worry they had killed me, after all.

I do think it is too late for that! ⛪️👃🏻😇. Thank you for all your prayers and emotional support. ❤️

Stockholm Syndrome, a verb.

Stock·holm syn·drome
feelings of trust or affection felt in certain cases of kidnapping or hostage-taking by a victim toward a captor.


Seeing Stockholm Syndrome is considered a noun, I might disagree. Anyway, I think in this situation of mine it is a verb.

Chris McNeil, MHS, or someone like him, might be more qualified to say.

As it is, I think it is a verb.

I think that having in mind having been raped by a psycho analyst J.D.

I think it because Chris McNeil, MHS, before he went sinister on me (seemingly to purposefully trigger me, but its hard to say because on those days I was triggering over the most minute) Chris told me during one of our many length conversations over Facebook private chat that what a therapist does is take the patient (or client, depending upon the relationship) to a place. They explore that place. Then the therapist brings the patient/client back to present, calming and efficiently closing the wound as best they can during the meeting.

I saw that with Marcia Hoover at Valley Cities in Auburn in 2006/07/08. Except Marcia was not in tune to the reality of why I was there seeing her.

Then I saw that again with Patty Atkinson at SeaMar in 2013. Different from Marcia, Patty searched in to the real problem and we worked on it.

I think Chris and I were chatting on Facebook around the end of 2013, maybe 2014. But probably 2013. I can’t say for sure, but it was around that time, post trying to kill myself. When Chris and I spoke I was aware he was not giving me therapy. More it seemed to me I was a curiosity for him, and his knowledge was something I could hunt and peck through trying to “get” why Kevin did to me what he did.

Because as it was with Kevin, through a series of his conversations while he was pursuing me, he said he wanted to help me (HAH!.) Well, he was the professor of my Ethics class, so I assumed I could trust him with answering my questions. Please remember, that was the original premise of my reaching out to Ethical Lending, the provider of an Ethics class I had to take for my licensing.

So, through it all (even though that portion of our contact with one another was short lived) over the course he would make me happy, he would help me, and he would reach my core in a wonderful way. He was crawling into my head even though softly I was saying no.

I consider crawling into my head a verb.

He crawled into my head to perform a mind fucking.

I consider crawling into my head to perform a mind fucking a verb.

Then, he split my emotional self open, physically raped me, then pranced off while throwing at me horrible insults contradictory to everything he said to get into my head to begin with.

AND, he left himself the only one who could fix me. At the end of the “session” he didn’t do what good therapists should. He didn’t close me up. Instead he did just what I’ve said he has.

Not that he was my therapist anymore then Chris McNeil MHS was just chatting. However, in Kevin’s situation he made himself that. He had no right to do that to me. Which added another layering to what he did that was not good.

Ordinarily I would not think he nor anyone else would have an obligation to fix me. But we’re not talking here about “ordinary.” We’re talking about extraordinary, and not in a good way. Because his taking on the role as a therapist was not what I’d asked for, although he did. Nor was I skilled enough to see ahead to what he was doing. I did beat myself up over that for a long time. Then I learned he’d done that to many others far more educated than I. It hasn’t give me relief, but only gives testimony to how convincing Kevin can be.

In this regard, comparing Dr. Robert Sargent Jr. blowing my mind with his prescriptions really there is no comparison. Dr. Sargent did have an obligation. Had I been Kevin’s patient/client he would have, too. I don’t know about his having been my professor. I don’t know their codes of conduct. I only know that when I’d heard Kevin was going to get licensed to teach mental health counselors continuing education in my State of Washington I not only said no, I said HELL no!

Back to my emotional guts being left hanging out, circa 2008, by Kevin (considering I was still stuck on prescription drugs to half way function), it was like having gone through a very intense, emotional therapy session with an incompetent. And that is pretty much how Chris McNeil MHS summarized after a number of conversations with him. Because the fact is I was then and still have been asking since, “Why, why, why, why?” That is because Kevin captured my emotional being, as a therapist can do, and he made himself the only one who could close the session.

Stockholm Syndrome, as a noun, doesn’t apply.

Stockholm Syndrome, as a verb, does.

For him to have done that, then claimed that how I reacted was stalking is not only bullshit but anyone with a decent education in psychology will know that what he did was wrong and how I reacted was normal. Even more, he (like Dr. Robert Sargent too) is lucky I didn’t kill him. Its my opinion he, too, would deserve it. And, really, that’s probably the crux of some of my nightmares.

Why I think it is would be due to that I’m a compassionate person. I really do hate to see someone/anyone murdered or even committing suicide. But, I’m talking in this blog about people who don’t have my same sentiments. I’m talking in this blog about a doctor and his father/family/network that themselves destroys and kills people. I’m talking in this blog about a man (Boileau) and his assistant (Goldhammer)who do the very same thing just in a different way. So one of my nightmares is that they are murdered and I don’t feel badly about it. As a human being I do struggle with the idea that I might not care if that happens to any of these people.

This morning I was tempted to delete and to shut down this blog. I was tempted to delete and leave Facebook, too, along with Twitter and Linkedin. I wanted to return to the simpler life, a simpler life I had before Dr. Robert Sargent Jr. fucked me up. But I realized I can’t do that. Its my life. Whether Dr. Robert Sargent likes it or not. Whether his father/family/network likes it or not. Whether Kevin Boileau, Goldhammer or any of the judges or handfuls of people I went through during this Hell like it or not I’m here to stay. Because those cocksuckers split me open and left me to bleed out and die, but I didn’t. So now I am going to make them pay by telling the truth and by helping other people see that what they have done to me and to others is true, too.

No, just because Kevin and Goldhammer are still “researching” for practicing their perversions isn’t going to scare me off. If anything listening to as much as I did last night of those interviews makes me know that I’m digging in more then ever. I’m going to help God drive a stake through some hearts.

Let’s do it God! Let’s do it!



I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any last night.

BUT, once again I didn’t wake up with anxiety.

I know my place in the world again.

I’ve made my way back from Hell.

The drugs ARE the portals to Satan.

I’m not going back.

That said, I knew there was an interview out there. I had no idea there was a series of them until someone mentioned that. They are public, so I listened. Only to about 4 of them, though, because that was all I could stomach, and enough was said to help me know that it is possible people are trying to get help for their illnesses or deviations. Except, instead, it kind of seems more like Kevin is helping them to receive affirmations their deviations and/or sick fantasies are okay to indulge in. I’m not the judge, except that for whatever reason the man who like to have sex with his students and the woman who appears to help set that up played that out in real life with me. To that I can be the judge, and one can only wonder how much of what is being spoken about has not already been played out in their real life.

Also, the segments I listened to, which I think was 4 of them, all four with different interviewees, I don’t recall the mentioning of the word consent but maybe once. The mentioning of children came up, though, and that is even scarier then non consent with an adult.

I did hear in one, I think, the mention of more interviews to follow about violence and I think the first interview I listened to the night before last brought that up, too. I’m not sure. I didn’t listen to them to study. I only listened because what was done to me (and to other women I now know, too) by this man left a certain, sick curiosity to know what the hell he thinks he’s doing. And it’s rare or new, or I’ve thought it has to be but maybe it isn’t, that a rapist and raped have come to occupy the same space after the fact. Not physically, because I do not stalk people, but through the waves on the internet super highway. Its possible if I listened to the interviews on violence I could obtain a better understanding of what triggers Kevin into violence. Surely, even with his J.D., he has got to have concerns about that which he did. I haven’t, nor has anyone told me they have, heard of his committing violence before with anyone. But, who knows?

That said, I’ve heard enough to have cured my own curiosity about the man and Nazarita, a woman who I have never even met but who filed false police reports against me implying I have.

I’m not a psychologist. I haven’t listened to fix him. I don’t even know if he or others like him can be fixed. I only know that what he did to me was so evil (in my books) that to be in the same space with him from afar has been good for me (personally.) Of course seeing what type of a person he is, that also of course he must be deranged, is frightening. Especially when he and Goldhammer are talking about infiltrating the public school systems. I think through this idea of theirs you can see how the deviated mind works. They are always searching out access to the vulnerable. Overnight I wondered what I could do about that? I really don’t know. I asked myself if I don’t do anything am I being remiss? I really don’t know. Also I wondered, if I am even strong enough to do something about it? I really don’t know. I’ve already been through Hell. Maybe I’ve already done enough, and now others more able will pick up the ball to do what needs to be done. I just don’t think I’m the one equipped to do that.

Yes, last night I fell to sleep uncomfortably, even after putting on the full armor of God.

Helmet, check.

Breastplate, check.

Belt, check.

Boots, check.

Sword, check.

Shield, check.

Yet doing so doesn’t mean I wasn’t aware of the presence of the devil.

Yes, I had nightmares.

But during them I’d remember my armor.

This morning I didn’t wake up with anxiety over what all I’d heard last night during those interviews.

This doesn’t mean I haven’t awoken with some very serious concerns about what more I’ve realized. Who in their right mind wouldn’t?



Nazarita Goldhammer is talking about teaching the future!

Jesus Christ!

She called me, didn’t even know me, and cursed me. Told me I deserve to have cancer. Told me that everyone hates me. And caused me to go into hysteria, and she did it for Kevin Boileau, to cover up his raping me.

This woman must go to hell.

She’s got to be kidding!

Life After Hell…


Hi Friends,

Its Christmas Eve.

This evening was wonderful. Having dinner with family and friends, watching everyone opening their pre Santa presents, it seemed like the “old days.”

Maybe I’m lucky to even have had “old days”?

Maybe some people don’t ever?

Or maybe there was never really “old days” after all, and maybe I was just making lemonade from lemons?

I really don’t know anymore.

Maybe the past has slipped into the present, so now there are new days?

Eventually life goes on, if we are lucky.

Misty wasn’t. Rick wasn’t.

I think about them a lot.

Oftentimes I’m depressed.

But that’s for good reason.

At least now I don’t have anxiety.

I never used to have anxiety.

Then, from the drugs, the doctor’s stalking and terrorizing me, and having Kevin Boileau rape me, too, I became nothing BUT anxiety.

I’ll bet before the internet superhighway people did not ever recover. How could they when there was nobody to turn to in their physical sphere? Surely they could not.

I’m glad I was resourceful to find tools to help myself out and away from the bad ones.

Now twice in two weeks I have had a wonderful time. Times like the old days, much poorer financially but a lot wiser, too.

Is the wisdom worth what I’ve gone through? No.

I was always a good person. Even when I was poor before I became financially secure, I was a good person. I gave time and money to unfortunate people.

So, as it goes, I’m not a better person for what they have done to me that I’ve survived.

Even, as far as understanding evil goes, I already knew evil.

When Kevin Boileau asked me if he’d answered my questions from class even today I can say with a whole heart that he didn’t show me anything that I didn’t already know.

Talk about Kevin, how funny it is that a man who excited me so much in order to take control of me, just last night I was listening to his (public) interview with intimacy consultant Lori Brisbey (?) and while listening I fell to sleep!


Too funny!

I expected this morning to wake up with anxiety about listening to what I did of that interview, but I didn’t.

In the evening, over dinner, I did have a little bit of anxiety. But I think it was “normal” anxiety to meeting someone new and, I don’t know, maybe just a little left over anxiety. Its hard to tell.

But I think my anxiety days are pretty much over, and I really am back to “normal.”

Thank goodness!!

I know I’ve been saying for a long time that I am back to normal, but I was saying that to encourage myself to keep on going, to keep on fighting. The little engine that could. And did. That’s me.

It can be you, too.

Maybe it can be even if you don’t know who it is that is stalking and mind fucking you. I don’t know for sure, though. Because a) I knew and b) Misty and Rick didn’t survive.

I don’t say that to discourage anyone.

I say it because I don’t know.

Maybe it doesn’t matter if you don’t know?

Hopefully it only matters that you know what “they” are doing to you is real.

Hopefully what I’ve shared about how I’ve kept my head (sort of) will help you, too, or someone you know who is going through this, to keep their head.

Hopefully if someone you know, your family member or loved one, is being put through this then now you understand that it is REAL!

Always let them know what they are going through is REAL!

Even if you don’t think it is, they need to know it is.

Encourage them.

If you don’t, they may not get through it.

My Mom, after she figured out (even after the Ambien) that they really were messing with me encouraged me, believed in me.

That matters!!!!

Your believing can make the difference between their life and death.

Now, in this chapter, I am going to post a simple article about narcissism. I think it will be helpful to anyone who doesn’t understand to understand.

Also I want to say that I don’t know if, financially, I’ll ever recover. But I can’t worry about that. It is what it is. I can only take one day at a time. I really don’t have the energy anymore to financially rebuild. I will continue the battle with the courts that did me such an injustice. I’m not going to let them get by with that. Maybe I’ll just being doing it for people’s futures. Maybe I will get something out of it. Its hard to say. But, either way, I think its worthwhile to attack. I really do hope to get a couple (at least) judges to resign for their corruption.

In the future I’ll write the chapter on our loving our rapist.

Because I really didn’t understand what Kevin was talking about with Lori, maybe I’ll go back to revisit that. Maybe I won’t. I’m just not sure. ….oh yah, right! Like I won’t, huh? Yes, I’ll revisit it. If it turns out to be evil, as Kevin can be evil we know, then it will go over my head. Thank God! If it turns out Kevin, through Lori, has made a turn about (which I doubt) then that will be interesting to listen to. All in all he’s rather fascinating to me because he’s do fucked up in the head. hahaha! And now I can handle that he is. I wasn’t ready to handle it before. That’s why I told him to leave me alone. Probably as fucked up as he is I’d never be able to handle it. But, I’ll check it out again. Or maybe not. Either way, I’m just glad to see that I’m handling things and I don’t think they can hurt me again no matter what I do.

Here is the article about narcissists. I’ll post it with a warning that there are ones even worst than narcissists.

Remember….I love you.