I Had A Best Friend Named Barbara Muczinski

I loved her very much. She is the woman from church I volunteered with at the Thrift Shop and we became very close. Barb is the person who out of the blue I walked up to and told her that I was afraid because I didn’t think I was going to make it. I’m assuming that happened some time in 2006. Barbara and I became very close. We probably spent 3 or 4 evenings together throughout 2006 and 2007. I was one of her trusted and reliable go to girls for help with all of the fundraisers she was involved in. We lost friends, like my neighbor Catherine Bigford, who gave me away to Christ in my baptism, from cancer.
Barbara was the Morher of a medical doctor. A kidney specialist who was about the same age as me, at the time. God incarnate as a woman…wink wink. Barbara adored her daughter.
I looked at Barbara like one would a delightful aunt. She was awesome.
But it came to be that we had a falling out that seemed to set the whole little group into an uproar for a bit about how I could be so callous. Funny I had heard too many times a rich jealous old biddie say snippy things to Barbara without a peep getting said in reprimand. But I think the reason for Barbara’s and my falling out was more troublesome to the little group because of what it was over. It shook their status quo, their little pecking order or hierarchy, I suppose.
And it was caused because what was being said into her ear from some of the peripheral clicks, like the ones who volunteer worked with us on some projects but were from other churches in Des Moines and Auburn, who were also related to medical doctors in the area. Talking about what was going on with the doctor was not something I did because I really wasn’t knowledgeable about psychological war or gas lighting, and by this time I was on the Ativan so confused by it all that I would not have even had the words to express it. Finding the words took years. So as it was I was dealing with my confusion while trying to continue recovering from the Ambien. I was not gainfully employed from July 2004, after the wreck, until I got hired at Loan Services around August or September of 2006. Even at that I was only half ass working because I still wasn’t confident with my thinking ever since the Ambien. So I continued the heavy volunteer schedule with Barbara pretty much giving me direction. But the old ladies were chewing on her ears so that she would inquire from me about what was going on. Because I really didn’t understand myself I could only tell her the facts as they were. The doctor took me to court, etc. And it would always come to be that Barbara would ask me why I don’t just leave the doctor alone. She had no concept that it wasn’t me not leaving the doctor alone but it was the doctor (or what seemed to be the doctor) not leaving ME alone.
Originally in our friendship this was not ever a topic. But as the attack on me intensified through the old ladies and through my neighbor’s who had suddenly gotten buddy buddy with the Multucare’s and doctor’s group it all started coming down on me. And that is how the operation of taking one out goes down. It’s a friendly infiltration. A well meaning appearance that a lot of the players have played out before. I could not understand why a person who had gotten a restraining order against me was taking so much time and effort to be known in my life. It was upsetting, confusing and it was hampering my progress towards recovering so that finally I told Barbara that we cannot be friends anymore. She was aghast and hurt, and it hurt me too. I told her why, because I had the utmost respect for her and for what our friendship had meant to me. It hurt me to have to let her go. And, apparently she was as distraught as I was, because neighbor Lexie stormed over to tell me off and she told me everyone knows how I had hurt Barb and everyone was mad at me. So that is how it went. Barbara nor any of them were willing to see my side of it. And that is how it goes that they are able to ruin our lives. I became scorned because I could not tolerate being subjected to what they were doing to me. They were spreading that I was hot for this married doctor and that I would not stay away from him. I can tell you that such a thing going around spreading among the old ladies who are all relations of theirs does not set well with them. Terrible things were being said within my earshot. It got to be so bad that I quit volunteering and at least having the confidence is gained working the Thrift Shop register and handling correctly all the banking transactions involved I felt good I was ready to get back to work anyway. But from that time period losing that friendship with Barbara hurt the most. Some time later we rekindled it so that we saw one another a few more times but by then Kevin was duplicating the experience with me so that his wife, or so he said, could write a book. It was not a coincidence what Kevin did. I think the only thing that blew his mind was how I dealt with it. I have always been sure he realized I was not who they said I was. And if he can be believed then it’s possible he is having remorseful thoughts. But that is hard to say because one of his former friends has warned that he is a pathological liar, too.
Either way, I lost a great friend in the same way I lost my family. It was that believing the truth was just too much for them to do so it was easier putting the blame onto me. I didn’t deserve any of it. And I don’t tell this story for people to feel sorry for me or to play the role of the victim the way Kevin has tried to apathetically assert is what I do. I tell the story so that people know. I tell it because I am not a victim but a survivor. And I tell it so if it happens to them people will know. And maybe knowing they will survive too. Yes many doctors will take people out before accepting liability. The whole team falls into line to get that ball rolling. The wives lead the pack. I know this because one of my clients used to be on a medical board and she told me she’d had to set and listen to a doctor and his wife bullshitting the board. She also told me how when the wives show up at the office the medical assistant will accidentally leave open the file of the problem patient for the wife to take down the information.
I have learned a lot firsthand and through the grapevine these years about just how low they will go. I really don’t think my friend Barbara understood. She was torn because her daughter is a doctor. I understood. 😥

2 comments

    1. I have heard of them doing things like that for no reason but censorship. People have said the purpose of Facebook for free speech is being diminished. Because of my computer and now cellular restrictions I won’t be on there much. But it’s wrong they are censoring FOS. Did they say for how long?

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