I thought it would be nice to post some uplifting flowers that were taken from my parent’s garden and my own. I’ve talked about my grandfather’s cactus that had been dying, too, and the other plants I’ve lost, including losing my own health. Also I’ve told about my friend Laz who changed my life by comforting me, by responding instead of running away while I was triggering like a hysterical little child. Now the reflections of my past life are coming back to me without pain but as nourishment for my soul. Laz reminded me of who I am/was/can be again. So can you if you stay strong. Find good things, even if its only some pathetic little weed or tree trying to come up through the crack in the asphalt. I’ve been there. I had a picture like that I’d taken during those darkest hours. It was lost when one of my computer’s melted down, which is sad but there are similar others on the internet. Today I want to lift our spirits with these pictures that have managed to survive, and I’ll also include two of me. One was taken just recently and the other was taken years ago, shortly after the Ambien episode, as a professional photo for my return to work at Eagle Home Mortgage in Kent that was short lived because I was being gas lighted by the manager in the office for the family.
I repeat these things because new readers might not go back to the beginning to read this by the chronology of my journey. I repeat it, too, because it is what happened, and despite what was going on I want to show you I kept looking for beauty in my surrounding.
While the doctor’s family was showing me, I kept showing myself my own truth. Don’t let their own projections change the truth of who you are. Even if a snippet of what they are saying has some truth to it, the evil, inhumane distortion they are spinning it with is sickening. It isn’t that you are sickening, it is them with their noxious-ness that is making you sick.
#1, LOVE YOURSELF.
If I can beat them, so can you. You can develop a resilience to their stupid gas lighting and you can even laugh with friends about the pitiful absurdity of them. The people around you will begin to realize YOU are the cool kid, and the ones messing with your are yesterday’s trash. Remember, my own integrity was matched against a medical doctor with a delightful sense of humor, as long as the joke wasn’t on himself. And he had his psychiatrist father’s crony group, and his wife’s family, too, and then the Phd attorney into BDSM with judges and clerks. Yet my own integrity has withstood them all. And I am far from perfect. Just not as far from it as they are. Hahahaha! Fuck them anyway, okay? They are yesterday’s trash.
The pot of soup is for eating and for making organic fertilizer that I’m using to bring back what is left of my plants. There is a picture here of my grandfather’s cactus that is starting to respond through the soil. Also there is two pictures of the beautiful flowers that used to bloom in great abundance on the cactus. They are the two pictures with two pink blooms. The others are roses from my parent’s garden, and a couple are English. The difference from regular roses versus English roses is fragrance. English roses are not modified for mass production so they have retained their fragrance. Other roses have no fragrance.
I’ve added a message to remind us that their reality is not ours, and they will suffer for what they do.
My friends have said the sweetness of my ex husband’s and my own relationship has come through my writing. The original chapter of which that part was deleted by the hack showed my respect for him much more than this second edition has. But that’s okay. As long as it came through that we were never like them, that we had a nice relationship, and that we never wanted to be like them I’m satisfied.
It is very odd to me that they really do think people want to be them, be with them, be like them. Truly most of them do not even have their own style or taste in things. And its true its because they are too busy trying to impress people. Remember, I lived among them, so I know. One cluck even got talked into the most revolting kitchen remodel that he and his wife didn’t want because the contractor worked him in front of an audience at a party. hahaha! Yes, I am laughing at them. They envied the wonderful kitchen I’d saved for and designed myself in painstaking detail. Isn’t that odd people with so much money still envy what someone else has? Those ones are an odd breed who really do lack appreciation. Not all of them, but too many of them. And their egos won’t allow them to see their own faults to fix. On the most part, when they showed me that I recoiled and stayed away from them. Because with them a decent person will always walked out feeling slimed. Rubbing elbows isn’t worth it. But I tend to be the type to burn bridges, too, so take my advice with that grain of salt, okay?
But what they have they buy, and inasmuch as money can buy nice things it cannot buy good taste or good character. It simply cannot. Someone’s either got it or they don’t. If you are here reading this, you probably have it! So hang onto it, because it will see you through. I promise. Don’t let those bastards drag you down. Just don’t.